Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
