Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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