Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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