My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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