your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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