I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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