we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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