Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
