in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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