do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
