hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
