considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I could fuck to npr.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
