I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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