I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
