we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
