I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
