I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I just gargled with NyQuil
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
