Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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