I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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