my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
