yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
