I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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