Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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