census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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