You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
