The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
no you cant smoke seaweed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
