Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
