Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
