How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
