There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
