is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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