I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
