i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
