Do you still have your period?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize