Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
