im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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