; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Michael Bay diarrhea
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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