i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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