Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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