so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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