I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
