listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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