I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
