don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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