I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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