Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
