he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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