Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
