omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
