You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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