like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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