Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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