Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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