Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
