Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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