i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
