I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
