You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
