Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
