Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
