I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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