i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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