I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
