Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
this just has baby written all over it
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
