tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
