All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
