I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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