time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
