Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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