hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize