yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
