i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
