I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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