Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Randomize
