2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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