I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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