I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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