Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We need to rekindle our bromance
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
